You Might Be a Drunk If

Bored and did a Google search. In the spirit of “You might be a redneck if”, ten signs you might be a drunk and the ten of the less than funny truths.

You Might Be a Drunk If…

You wake up in the morning and can not remember how you got home. Then you realize you are not at home.
Every night your roommate’s cat gets more and more attractive.
People did not know you drank until you sobered up once.
You have to grab on to the ground to keep from falling off the world.
Mosquitoes catch a buzz after attacking you.
You can focus better with one eye closed.
You spent more time on the floor than you do standing up.
If you carry ping-pong balls in your car.
If walking suddenly becomes the most difficult thing you’ve ever had to do in your entire life.
If you find that your entire vocabulary is replaced by the word “fuck,”.

The Less Funny Truth

If you only drink to get wasted.
If you get wasted three or more nights in a row.
If you show up at a party and discover there is no alcohol and leave.
If you play shot-for-shot because you’re bored.
If you drink by yourself.
If you keep enough alcohol on hand to get wasted at any times.
If your three best friends at a party are all people you’ve met in the last ten minutes.
If you smuggle beer into the dining hall in order to drink with your meal.
If your BAC is higher than your GPA.
If you are having trouble reading this, you might be a drunk. Or illiterate. Or possibly high. But most likely you are a drunk.